All this putting it all on the teenagers makes me wonder just how much adults assume a teenager is capable of being anything other than a product of their own upbringing. As teens we finally start getting a say in how we live our lives, right? But what if we have been having our say, and taking responsibility for ourselves from the get go? No, I don't mean being forced to look after ourselves, deprived our childhood or faced with neglectful caregivers, but allowed the option to work with others to meet our own needs and set our own ways of doing things without being continually dictated to, or organised for. I have this to say.
Words for parents
Let your children do things for themselves. They learn by *doing* so give them an opportunity, and support them doing things for themselves, even if they can't do it as well as you... yet. Give them hints on how to solve their own problems. Be available, but stand back and let them ask for help if they need it.
Let them know you love them and care for them, give them cuddles and boundaries, and earn their respect by showing them respect, that they may want to contribute to the wellbeing of others because it's the normal thing to do. Allow them idle time (rather than over-planning commitments) so they can learn what it is to invent their own fun, ask their own questions and listen to their own thoughts.
Listen to your children's wishes, and never tell them that they aren't worth the dreaming. Show them how to make real goals and how you plan and make things happen. Show them how to face setbacks with fortitude, to fight for the things they love, or judge when they are barking up the wrong tree.
And then be realistic. Kids are only kids once. They only get the experiences they need by trying and failing. They aren't failures when they get something wrong, they are making the mistakes that will make them wiser adults. The world has never had adolescents who are capable of the wisdom of old men... and as adults we need to get over that.
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